For today not much words, just two pics from the last holiday trip my parents made in their life...
and one from an adventurous trip Anna made with me.
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It's grey outside, big grey clouds are covering the sky. It's cold after a period of time with summer-like weather, it's rainy and a bit stormy.
This is what I see looking out of my window: The roofs of our garages, a piece of our garden and the street behind our house, but above all: Grey!
I should be glad this morning, actually, because there are two weeks off ahead, Easter break. But I'm feeling as grey as the weather outside. Maybe I am simply exhausted, but I have been sleeping for 15 hours this night after I fell in bed yesterday afternoon after our shopping tour. And I woke up with a bad migraine.
Sometimes I think my last power is gone, sucked up by all the things that happened over the last years. And I'm afraid that it won't come back. I'm saying for years that there must be urgently more free time in my life, but it grows worse from month to month. To save a little bit of my energy I called craftsmen for doing the bathrooms, but I wonder if it would have been better doing all by myself, because they left so much crap, so much dirt and demolition, so much things I have to correct and redo that I wonder if their work is worth a single Cent. I did not learn all these kinds of work, but I do it much better than they do. And I'm angry and annoyed when seeing the results of their work. Hey, and it costs my money!
Monday the plumber will (hopefully, you never know if he really shows up) come for the last time and install the sinks and toilets and after he is gone I won't let in any craftsman again, I swear!
I'm sitting here, powerless, but having so much to do. The ceiling of the bathroom in the upper story has to be painted today, the floor (which one of the craftsmen layed yesterday) needs a major redo, because it's all not correct what he did, the floor in the bathroom downstairs - same mess, which has to be re-done today. The walls in the bathroom downstairs need to be wallpapered before the sinks will be installed and I have to paint and sand both doors in the bathrooms. These are my tasks for today.
Maybe I'm feeling better after a good cup of coffee...
The only good thing that happened is that Anna did her last difficult test before she can make her Bachelor of Arts. She did it well and it was a difficult test which most of the students don't pass and which could be the end for their study at all. We have been suffering a lot until the results were out on last Thursday. She passed the test very well and this was the last obstacle before her exam. You can't imagine how glad I am about her success! The next week she will decide if she does her exam at once or if she needs another seminar to make her grades one percent better for doing her Master of Arts. I'm proud of my daughter. She is a wonderful young woman.
Well, I should get ready for my work today and do my duty to get the bathrooms done before Easter. And I want to have a clean house again until then. So I should get my ass out of the chair and do something. Sigh!
I thought and thought what photo to take. Happiness - I couldn't find any situation the last years that made me feel really happy apart perhaps from short moments I felt wind blowing through my hair or warm sunlight shining on my skin. But really happy? We suffered a lot the last years, really sad and bad times are behind us and we still don't know if they are really behind us. We hope so.
My father died nearly 5 years ago. I lost a person I dearly loved, my father and my best friend. It was so hard that I litterally felt the pain in my heart. After his death nothing was right, it was all wrong. I don't want to tell much about the last 5 years, it's too painful. My mother's dementia grew worse and worse. She lived in a retirement home the last year of her life and it was not easy for none of us, because she was aggressive all the time and this hurts badly, when you love your mother. We suffered beyond any imagination until her sudden death nearly one year ago. It was a really bad year 2011 with millions of problems, hard work, lots of worries and no time for any things like having fun. No, I'm not happy at the moment. I'm fighting.
So I chose a photo of the last happy period of time we had, when my parents both were still alive and when we had good times together, when life was so much easier. I chose a picture of my daughter's 18th birthday in 2006.
Yesterday was the first day after my father’s death I did something that was big fun. I feel how I need some different activities that are not only work or stress or simply sad.
Yesterday Anna and I have been at the Christmas-Market in Dortmund. Actually we haven’t had time for this little trip, but we escaped from our work. The Christmas-Market at Dortmund is one of the biggest markets of this kind in Germany. You might never have heard of it, because the market in Nuernberg is much more popular, but this is not quite fair. Also Dortmund is worth seeing. The main attraction is a really huge Christmas-tree which consists of more than 1700 normal Christmas-trees. Dortmund is advertising that this would be the biggest Christmas-tree of the world, but there are other trees which are bigger in other countries. Anyway...it was a wonderful afternoon which let me feel a bit lucky, like in ancient times, when my life was much better and easier. Here are some pictures I took:
These are very typical ginger-bread-hearts. They are common not only during Christmas-time but also on every fair during summer and fall. The writing made from colored sugar says: I love you.
In the market-huts local vendors and artists sell their goods. All huts are decorated in a different way and it's awesome only looking at them with their colorful goods. I'm sorry that I couldn't take pictures from all the different scents of ginger-bread, glog and other typical Christmas-foodstuff.
Most people crowded around the huts with foodstuff. At this hut they sell crepes, you know, these extra-thin pancakes.
And if you don't like sweet foodstuff, you can also buy for instance fish. This fish-hut is from my home Waldeck, from Arolsen. The vendors were dressed in old Wadecker costumes.
Again nicely decorated huts with a lot of stuff to hang on your Christmas-tree or to decorate your home. Some sell hand made wood figures, but you can also get every kind of kitsch.
Or do you want some ornaments for your Christmas tree? Made from glass if you like it traditionally or made of beads if you like it more modern?
And what about hand made pottery? I know also Erie has such a nice pottery and it would be nice if this pottery could also have a hut at a christmas-Market in Erie. But later about this.
Once in a year I enjoy this: Kartoffelpuffer or Reibekuchen. I love them, they are simply delicious. Reibekuche are made from raw grinded potatoes, which were deep fried with a lot of fat. Well, nothing if you are on a diet, but once in a year I don't care about this. It's my favorite dish...
And here it is: The biggest Christmas-tree! In reality it looks much bigger than on this picture. It's awesome. By the way: The candles on it are as high as a normal room!
And also Santa is on his way... Kids love him and want to have a picture. So it was really difficult taking this shot, because mostly there was a big crowd of people around him.
A few people bought Santa hats or other weird stuff for decorating their heads. For more pictures of the market look here!
And this was perhaps the funniest idea of a local artist who decorated the Christmas-market with lots of rhinos. This figure Anna and I called Santanoceros.
But what about Erie?
Peter Panepento from Globalerie is always searching after good ideas for Erie to make the town and the region more attractive. I thought: Why not making Erie a real Christmas town? As far as I know there is a big Christmas-Market in Chicago and many, many tourists come to shop and to spend a good time there.
Christmas-market at Chicago
I think also Erie could have such market. It is not very costly for the community. OK, the huts for the shops have to be prepared, but the community would get a nice amount of money from the boarders of the market-huts and for parking, because people use to come by car. Well, perhaps a shuttle-service with busses from the edge of the town to the market would also be a good idea, but this is all not too expensive compared to the advantages the market would bring to Erie. At us a lot of cities have such markets and they are always an attraction for people. Erie could have such market near State Street (I’ve never been to Erie, but perhaps near Perry Square would be a good place?) and State Street could become a huge advent-calendar additionally like I wrote to Peter Panepento. Don’t you think that this would attract a lot of people and all would spend money for gifts and food and beverages? Perhaps there could be also a traditional brass band playing some Christmas music. Local vendors and artists could sell their goods and add the special Erie-flavor to the market. And – constructing a huge Christmas tree wouldn’t be too difficult. Well, it needn’t to be as big as the tree at Dortmund.
Hey, Erie, swipe this awesome idea of having a Christmas-market from Dortmund and become a real Christmas-town! For more information look at the site of the Christmas-market:
http://www.weihnachtsmarkt-dortmund.de/
It's also in English: Look for the British flag and click it. And: There are two webcams!This and this here.
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I'm just back from Anna. It was a wonderful day together with her again. These days are like precious presents. We always have a lot of things we are both interested in and the time goes by much too quickly by talking, joking, hugging, eating together or playing games. I can't tell you how I miss my dear daughter. She is a real gemstone and every parent could be proud having such daughter.
This time she gave me a lot of nice presents and she always knows what I love. Look at these wonderful things: A bracelet, a box with music and candies in it, four tiny golden Christmas-tree-candles and a book to read. I can't imagine when I had the opportunity to read a book since my father is dead. And because I also have no TV I'm longing for some good stuff to read, because men don't live only from bread. So the book is the most precious present for me.
When I was back at Wethen I first drove to my father to show him the presents and to tell him about this day with Anna. Useless to say, that I started to cry, because I miss my father so badly. Also Anna misses him as much. We talked again and again of him, what he would have done, what he used to say and so on. So laughter and tears of sorrow have been quite near together.
Good night. I'm going to bed with a good cup of coffee, my new book and all the other presents on my nightstand. Good night Anna, good night Papa. You couldn't speak English, Papa, but I'm sure: Where you are now, you can understand all languages of the world. So - good night. You are both in my heart, Anna and Papa.
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Picture: Taken by Georgia; all rights reserved
I’m glad that I was still able to buy Anna some thick winter clothes for her study last week. This week it wouldn’t have been possible, because I’m much too sick for anything.
Anna and her fellow students are practicing more and more outside with all the special devices a surveying engineer needs and you can imagine how cold they become, because they are doing all the measuring in rain and wind. Last time they have been happy, because they were allowed making their measuring under a bridge (!). It was sort of luxury for the students. After Anna has become wet to her bones several times during a single day she asked me if I could buy her some thicker winter clothes. Her friend Linda, who is skinny, wore so many clothes last time that she looked wider than she is high. Also my thick thermo-coat I gave Anna last time I was at her home will not prevent her from becoming cold in winter.
So I looked for ski clothes. But it was not as easy at it seems, because the clothing for women isn’t very functional, but only fashionable. And the cut is as narrow that Anna wouldn’t be able to move in the way she needs it. So I bought only women’s trousers (the cut for men doesn’t fit for a woman like Anna with a lot of curves and with hips), but an anorak for men, which is very comfortable and functional, and a fleece-shirt to wear under the anorak. Some snow-boots complete the whole outfit. And I got all in the color Anna wanted: Black! I hope she will not longer be cold during the long days outside. The good news is that she loves being outside although it may rain or it may be cold or windy. I think she has chosen the right profession.
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Pictures: Taken by Georgia; all rights reserved
I'm back from my daughter's home. We have had a beautiful day together.
Beautiful leaves in front of Anna's apartment
When I drove to her over the autobahn in the early morning there first was thick fog, but later the sun came out and it promised to become a beautiful warm and sunny fall-day. These are the moments I notice that life can also be wonderful and that God's creation is beautiful. The sky was intensely blue and the foliage of the trees gleemed in such splendid colors like yellow, orange, green and purple. I started to sing "Morning has broken":
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word
Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass
Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day
I remembered the song, because last time during the mass it was sung, of course in Geman, but I also know the English words and I prefer singing it in English.
At the same time grief overwhelmed me. I miss my dear father so badly, who can't see the beauty of nature any more. Tears are still my companions. And they often come unexpectedly. So I ended up crying.
Kidding...
View from Anna's kitchen window; the tree is Treeus Ruhrvalleyus.
Now I'm back from a wonderful day with my dear daughter. It's still unusual warm outside. When I left her home it was still 18°C, which is about 64°F. Back at my village I first visited my father at the cemetery and now I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow I have to be back at work. I'm tired.
Subway station
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Pictures: Taken by Georgia; all rights reserved
I ordered only a few books for Anna's study, which arrived today:
This evening my lecture will be some nice mathematics-books, before I take them to Anna next weekend. I have to pay 165.65 Euros (225.60 US-Dollar!).
*sigh*
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Picture taken by Georgia; all rights reserved.
I have been away from Bloggerland for a while. I was too busy with Anna’s computer and other things on my to-do-list. I even wasn't able to answer any mail, but I hope all who are waiting for some emails from me will get them within a few days...
Last Tuesday-night, when I came home from Anna I connected her computer to the internet at my parents’ house and – it properly worked! There was no mistake although I hadn’t changed anything. You never saw me more perplexed during the last week than at this moment. I called a dear friend to get some advice the next morning and he suggested what I also thought: I shouldn’t reinstall windows if the computer properly works, but just watch it the next days. So I watched it and checked it from „head to toe“. All settings were correct only some viruses and Trojans were on the hard drive and in the registry, which couldn’t be deleted easily. But after a lot of hours of hard work I also could remove all viruses and spy-ware. This was all I could do in this case and I wasn’t sure if the machine would work again at Anna’s home. Two days, Wednesday and Thursday were over until I was done with the computer-check.
Castle of Arolsen; taken September 06
On Friday there had to be done a lot in the garden, the household and we drove to Arolsen (still residency of the Prince of Waldeck) to buy a lot of flowers for the graves of my father and his parents on our cemetery. It is really getting cold and you never know if there will be dry and sunny weather again to do such work outside. When we were back my car was bursting of flowers: Lots of heather, lots of cranberry-like plants (I don’t know their name), colorful aster-bushes and ivy:
Useless to say that Saturday was filled with planting all these flowers on the graves. There have been three graves to be planted and we needed about 5 hours until we were done. Most of the work was to do on my father’s grave, because we had to plant all new. Nothing of the old summer-flowers could be kept and all the huge bowls with flowers from the funeral had to be removed. When I came home my knees and legs were grazed. Because of my hurting back I can’t do this work by bending myself down, but had to kneel all the time. But I think that the result is quite appealing.
My father's grave; I still can't believe that he is there... and I could cry, cry and cry.
My grandparents, father's parents.
Yesterday, on Sunday, I had a wonderful day together with my daughter at her new home. I always can’t wait having her in my arms again. So I was very impatient on my way to her. It was pretty foggy this morning and therefore not quite safe driving fast on the autobahn.
Fog...
But later the sun came out, the sky turned deeply blue and the day promised to become bright and sunny. Wonderful fall-weather like I love it so much.
...and bright sunshine only a few minutes later.
The journey was perfect with a warm coffee and a fresh bread-roll in my stomach I fetched at a roadhouse at the edge of the Ruhr-Valley.
Typical German roadhouse
Driving through Dortmund
Anna's home
When I arrived at Anna’s apartment the sun was already shining and the trees around were beautifully lit with their colorful foliage. I picked a few leafs from the ground and took them with me as a souvenir from a beautiful morning. They are on my nightstand now and I can look at them every evening and remember this morning with it’s beautiful light. I had nearly forgotten, that the world can also be beautiful and how it feels seeing all the beauty of a sunny day in fall... These leaves remember me that there is also something like happyness.
leaves
After a nice breakfast at Anna’s home with hot coffee, freshly baked bread-rolls and yummy ham we first tidied up her apartment. She hasn’t had enough time for this, so she asked me if I would help her. Of course! Later we anxiously connected her computer to the internet. I was skeptical if it would work, because I only had removed some viruses and Trojans, but – it worked!!! The rest of the day we mostly sat in Anna’s cozy kitchen and talked and did some homework in mathematics. It was a relaxed and happy atmosphere and we both relished the day sitting in the bright sunlight at a cozy table with hot coffee and working together. But in the early evening I had to leave Anna. It’s always a hard time for me when I have to go back to my car and I don’t show her my tears. I have to drive around the house, so I can see Anna waving at her window and then she’s away and I drive home crying because I miss her so badly. But I’m glad that she is happy at her new home, that she likes her study and that she has a lot of new friends.
Beautiful Toronto! *sigh* - If I could be there, too....
Maybe she will fly to Toronto next spring with her neighbor girl for two weeks. The girls want to have an English-course there which is organized by the university. I would be so happy if she could get this vacation! All who read this: Please keep your fingers crossed!
And this was my way back:
Not the tower of Toronto, but of Dortmund: My way back on the autobahn.
Back at Wethen.
Today holidays are over and I was back to work. I came home in the late afternoon and now I’m catching up with blogging and have to do also a lot of other preparations for my working-day tomorrow. And next Sunday or Saturday I will visit Anna again. She is longing for having again a nice mother-daughter-day and I too.
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