Surreal Georgia

HOW OLD IS GRANDMA? (from my cousin Mary)

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. 

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.. 
The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses Frisbees and the pill. There were no: credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented: pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.
Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. .... ... and then lived together.. 
Every family had a father and a mother. 
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir". 
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir." 
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, day care centers, and group therapy. 
Our lives were governed by the The Bible, good judgment, and common sense. 
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. 
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege... 
We thought fast food was eating half a biscuit while running to catch the school bus.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. 
Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. 
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guy s wearing earrings. 
We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. 
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. 
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk 
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.... 
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. 
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. 
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. 
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. 
You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one? 
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. 
In my day: 
' "grass" was mowed, 
' "coke" was a cold drink, 
' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and 
' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. 
' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, 
' "chip" meant a piece of wood, 
' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and 
' "software" wasn't even a word.

This woman would be only 59 years old.

 

Um, I'm 53. Am I a fossil?

Without Any Comment

 

 

Tsunami and Earthquake at Quakenbrück, Northern Germany?

Well, this report cracked me up. I know, I am mean, but I couldn't help myself: I laughed so hard!

Yesterday 20 Greek and newly immigrated families in Quakenbrück called the police and rescued theirselves from the announced earthquake and Tsunami by running out of their houses and gathering somewhere outside. This news were spread by the internet and cell phones. Some people called the police, because they got panicky.

If you know that Quakenbrück is with about 80 kilometers pretty far away from the North Sea and about 20 meters above sea level, you can only laugh about the imagination a tsunami would flood the town. And earthquakes in Northern Germany???? This region isn't geological active at all. There was no earthquake for thousands of years in this region. 

So I think someone played a trick on these new citizens, who aren't familiar with geographical facts in Germany.

Lazy

 

This Christmas decoration cracked me up!  Seen on tackychristmasyards.com... 

Space Taxi Into The Weekend

It's weekend now and I did order my space taxi, Phil!

For all who don't know this special taxi and want to take a short ride: Watch the video!

Have a wonderful weekend all!

Internet Spring Cleaning

I know, I'm a bit late for Fool's Day hoaxes. My dear cousin Mary sent me a lot of hoax-stories and I couldn't stop laughing about a few of them. Thank you very much, Mary, and hearty greetings!

I think I should publish my favorite story. Here it is:

Internet Spring Cleaning

In 1997 an email message spread throughout the world announcing that the internet would be shut down for cleaning for twenty-four hours from March 31 until April 2. This cleaning was said to be necessary to clear out the "electronic flotsam and jetsam" that had accumulated in the network. Dead email and inactive ftp, www, and gopher sites would be purged. The cleaning would be done by "five very powerful Japanese-built multi-lingual Internet-crawling robots (Toshiba ML-2274) situated around the world." During this period, users were warned to disconnect all devices from the internet. The message supposedly originated from the "Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff, Main Branch, Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

This joke was an updated version of an old joke that used to be told about the phone system. For many years, gullible phone customers had been warned that the phone systems would be cleaned on April Fool's Day. They were cautioned to place plastic bags over the ends of the phone to catch the dust that might be blown out of the phone lines during this period.

Internet map

*******************************************************************************************************************************

Pictures: Gnu-license

Drill-Hole-Blossom “Lucky Boarder”

Well, today I actually wanted to post about the skinny anorexic models of the new H&M-advertising and wanted to compare them to four German TV-moderators which don’t care because of a few extra-pounds. I wanted to ask you what you like best: Women with arms as thin as candles (like Allegra Versace, who is only 32 kilograms) or women with round bends, who don’t correspond to the common ideal of beauty, or - O.K. - something in between.

So I searched for some pictures of the four German TV-moderators with the womanly bends. They are Tine Wittler, Vera Int Veen, Andrea Goepel and one, whose name I don't remember. But I think this doesn't matter, because you will also not know them in the USA. Tine Wittler, who moderates a telecast about houses she renovates and decorates, is one of them and I found her website and web-shop. There I also found the most useless product, I can imagine:

You can buy there a set of drill-hole-blossoms. The name of the set is “Lucky Boarder”. Well, these colorful plastic(?) flowers can be put into existing drill holes of your new apartment. So you don’t need to fill them with plaster. The bad news is that everywhere on your walls are those colorful plastic blossoms. The good news is: When you move you can take all the drill-hole-flowers with you and use them again in your new apartment. Here you can view these drill-hole-blossoms and if you are still interesting in skinny or thick TV-moderators you can also look at a picture of Tine Wittler. 

Because I don't have the permission showing a photo of the drill-hole-blossoms, here is a drawing I made!

***************************************************************************************************************************

Sources:

• http://img.stern.de/_content/58/57/585789/Allegra_250.jpg
• http://www.prallewelt.com/botenstoff/
• t-online

About the Killer-Bunny and a Sex-Bomb

Today I tell you some news I read and found them extremely funny:

One week after Easter there was a mad rabbit at Linz in Austria. The animal attacked an old lady who was hangig the laundry on the clothesline in her garden. The rabbit bit into the foot of the old lady. She fell but could rescue herself into the house. Her husband called the police and tried to scare the rabbit away. When the police came they saw the 78 year old man fighting with the rabbit. But when the aggressive rabbit also attacked a policeman it was shot by the police. It is possible that the rabbit has had rabies. Investigations are still running.
But if you ask me: Perhaps Killer-Bunny was angry, because people had found his nests with colored eggs over the Easter holidays in the garden. Wouldn't you be angry if people have taken your Easter Eggs!?

Picture: Killer-Bunny

Another funny story is from New Zealand. Employees of a mail center near Auckland alarmed the security team when they noticed some strange wires in a parcel when they screened it. This is reported by the “New Zealand Herald”. The suspect parcel was immediately put into a special explosion-safe case. Then the mail center was evacuated. When specialists had examined the dangerous parcel the employees could come back into the mail-center, because the parcel only contained a "sex-bomb". The wires belonged to a vibrator, which was no risk for the public security.

Picture: Pipe bomb as they are often sent by mail

Sometimes when I read articles like these I wonder whether they are really true or also urban legends. 

*******************************************************************************************************************

Pictures: Public domain
Source: t-online.de

About Glue, Famines and the Exodus

I must tell you this, because it made me laugh out loud, when I read it a few minutes ago:

The repairing of the roof of his garden house went totally bad: The 91 year old man from Magdeburg had to be freed by the police because he was glued to the roof with his whole body. He slipped when he tried to seal up the roof with bitumen. And because he couldn’t get up any more the bitumen glued him lying flat on the roof. Bit by bit, little by little the policeman could take him off and the fire brigade etched him with a ladder at last. The man is healthy apart from a severe case of sticky clothing.

Well, my father asked me this Sunday if I perhaps could seal up his garage-roof (picture) with bitumen.... Now I know that it is dangerous to slip on this sticky stuff. But I think I will manage this without getting glued to the roof.

Apart from that funny news I have had a very busy day. It’s pretty warm outside and sunny, so I worked up a sweat by being as busy. Since 1 ½ week there wasn’t any time to buy foodstuff and we were run out of nearly all eatable things. People must have thought that I would prepare my family for the next famine. My shopping cart was piled up as high as possible. When the foodstuff-buying was done, the trunk of my car (and it has a very huge trunk) was full up to the edge. So I needed my „drug“ to keep my errands up: Pure carrot-juice without any sugar of anything else. I got it in the baby-section of the supermarket and I always buy it to steady my nerves, because I nearly hate nothing more than buying foodstuff. It's my weekly dope to stand this. And I did all this in not even 40 minutes. Folks, this is world record!

Then I rushed back to where I work , because I had to fetch my colleague, who uses to drive home together with me. We put all our bags on the backseat of my car, because the trunk was full, remember! Then we drove to a computer-shop, because I had ordered a new computer for Anna yesterday. This is a good opportunity making oneself useful as a co-driver: Because we couldn’t get a place to park we had to stop the car in front of a gateway. So I rushed into the shop and paid the computer. And then I rushed back to my car and my colleague fetched the big and heavy boxes with all the computer-pieces inside (It still has to be assembled). So this was really perfect teamwork. But where to put the huge boxes? My car is a wonder of space, so we managed to put them all on the back seat, too.

Well, a funny load: Enough food for a famine and as much luggage that we looked like the ancient Israelites, when they moved away from Egypt. You might call it Exodus.

This is a short video-clip of the Turkish-Arabian-German comedian Kaya Yanar in his sketch "Driving School Yildirim". Notice the car and it's load! You needn't understand German, but only that the tall man is a learner driver. The driving instructor, Mr. Yildirim, tells him that Turkish people are always hospitable and that men use to sit at first and on the front seats of the car, whereas women use to sit on the backseats after the men had taken place. This sketch I thought of when my car was loaded with stuff until the edge.

By the way there is really a driving school Yildirim in Duisburg, my hometown. They advertize with these sketches.

************************************************************************************************************************

Pictures: Taken by Georgia, all rights reserved

Video: www.myvideo.de

Source (man glued to a roof): t-online.de

Clocky or Cavemen?

A few days ago I got an email from www.nandahome.com which manufactures and distributes Clocky. Clocky is out now, you can buy it, but unfortunately only in the USA and in Canada. But they will also ship it worldwide within the next two months.

I'm going to buy one for Anna, who always oversleeps her normal alarm-clock. Clocky is like a pet: It makes noise and if you are not quick enough out of your bed it runs away and hides. So there is no other way than getting up and looking for Clocky. The first prototypes were covered with fur and looked like little pets. I liked this much more than these ones with a simple plastic surface that you can buy now. But it is probably very easy to do this by myself: I have still some scraps of brown fur in the cellar.

I also would have liked to buy this (look picture: cavemen-clock) instead, but it isn't available. You can't buy it. Not even on Ebay you can get it.

You can watch both alarm-clocks in action by clicking on the images.